RUBY MASQUERADE
by Agent M
Summary: The team are attending a fancy dress fundraiser when murder strikes. Can the team crack the case in silly costumes? Who is that masked man? And just why does Lisbon have to be home by midnight?   A bit of light-heartedness after all that Red John hooey.


Disclaimer : The characters are all Bruno Heller's, I just read into their thoughts and behaviours and am inspired by them.

Author's note : After all that Red John hooey, a little bit of light relief! Thanks for your patience!

Thanks to : The delectable, the delicious, the delightful Fabulous Baker man!

**RUBY MASQUERADE**

**CBI FANCY DRESS FUNDRAISER EVENT, Sacramento**

Agent Teresa Lisbon stepped into the ballroom. She felt incredibly conspicuous in her leather gladiator-esque outfit. Despite insisting that the store found her the longest length possible, she still pulled at it down at the sides, trying to cover her infrequently seen legs. The gold-coloured bangles on her arms jangled and she felt the gold threaded headband digging into her forehead. Still, she had the cloak to hide behind if all else failed.

Across the room she noticed her team had assembled, each looking just as ridiculous as she felt; all, that was, except the Unit's consultant, Patrick Jane. He didn't look all that different, although his gray shirt was a little more closely-fitted than usual, and was a complete match to his gray pants; but he wasn't wearing his trademark vest. He had added a few accessories such as a red neckerchief and a Stetson type hat. The most noticeable additions were the obviously fake gun holster slung around his hips and a black zorro-style eye-mask. Lisbon laughed to herself , _'Huh! The Lone Ranger – that figures.'_

Her youngest agent, Grace Van Pelt spotted her and beckoned her over. Lisbon made her way to the group.

"Okay… Them, I get. But who are you?" asked Agent Kimball Cho, nodding towards his boss.

Interjecting, Jane, leaned forward slightly onto one foot. Whilst holding a champagne glass he pointed a finger upwards, certain of his answer. "Uh…that would be….Xena, Warrior Princess…yes?"

Lisbon's brow creased above her nose, affronted at the suggestion. "No!"

Jane looked surprised, "No?" he repeated quizzically.

"No," she stated simply, and then added "….actually, I'm Boudicca." Her head was raised slightly in a _'so there!'_ manner.

Jane inhaled and raised an eyebrow as his head moved fractionally backwards. He rocked slowly onto his heels. "Ah!…That makes more sense."

"What do you mean by that?" Lisbon was suspicious.

Jane took a sip of his champagne before playfully answering. "Oh nothing…" Lisbon's eyes narrowed. Aware of her stare he said, "Well…it fits better, that's all." He shrugged a shoulder as his eyes wandered around the room.

Lisbon wasn't satisfied with his answer. Under her breath she repeated his words, "_Fits better_..?" She glared at him.

He looked back at her. "What?" Lisbon's eyes demanded further explanation. Jane gave in. "I'm just saying….a person's choice of fancy dress costume says a lot about the person, that's all."

A smirk appeared on Lisbon's face. She was going to put him to the test, the smug son of a ….. "Okay, Einstein…" she began. She gestured to their small gathering. "What do _our_ costumes say about _us_?"

Jane shook his head slightly to one side and wagged a finger. "Uhhh, not Einstein…_He_…" With his glass he pointed to a wild-haired individual across the room, "…is over there!"

Lisbon gave him a look. "C'mon!….Or are you too much of a coward?" she taunted.

Jane sighed and looked at her for several seconds. "Really?...You want to go there this early in the evening?..." Lisbon raised an eyebrow in reply, egging him on. He sighed again. "Okay, you asked…" He looked at the group and his eyes alighted first on Agent Wayne Rigsby, who was dressed as Buzz Lightyear. "Take Rigsby here." Jane pointed his finger. "He's chosen a character synonymous with bravery and courage – someone who believes that people should live their lives adhering to the rules. _Ob_viously he wants to be a hero…." Jane paused briefly, "…albeit one who's a little slow and who has several _obvious_ flaws."

Rigsby was nodding in agreement. It took a few seconds for the last part to sink in. A frown appeared on his face. "Huh?" Before he could speak further, Jane turned his attention to Van Pelt. Her hair was braided into what looked like giant pretzels stuck to the side of her head. She was dressed in a white flowing gown belted at the waist, with fluted sleeves.

"And Princess Leia here….Driven, dedicated, professional in all aspects…..sometimes relaxes her guard to show her strong compassionate side…" Van Pelt beamed at the compliments, but Jane wasn't finished. "She wants to _appear _to be strong-willed but really she's just _crying out_ to be dominated."

Grace's smile vanished. She was just about to protest when Rigsby stepped towards her and put his hand on her arm. "Don't rise to the bait," he said. She glared at Jane but submitted to Rigsby's request.

"What about me?" asked Cho, in a monotonous voice. He was wearing an electric blue cowboy suit with decorative embroidery on the shoulders of the shirt. On his head was a matching Stetson. Jane looked him up and down, taking in the turquoise neck-tie and the diamante studded belt buckle.

"Mmmm...yes, well…..that will take _several_ sessions at _highly _over-inflated prices…" Cho shrugged his eyebrows nonchalantly, took a swill of champagne and continued to scan the room. Jane turned to Lisbon.

"And that brings us to…ah yes, Boudicca, the Warrior Queen. Mmmm, complicated…." He paused dramatically, gathering his thoughts. His eyes stared directly into hers. "Suffered great personal tragedy which drove her to create an uprising; gained a serious disliking for people who bring misery and suffering to others. The name Boudicca means victory or victorious, so doesn't like to lose. Was once described as having a harsh voice and a piercing glare…."

Lisbon's eyes spoke a thousand words. "Okay, enough." Jane raised his eyebrows, his eyes wide with innocence, and lifted his hands defensively.

"Hey, you asked!"

Lisbon thrust her empty glass into his hand. "And now I'm telling! Go get me a refill!" She spun him around towards the bar area and gave him a gentle push. "….And try not to upset anyone on the way!"

Jane took the glass and wandered off. He stopped at the bar and noticed one of the admin staff dressed as Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz downing a vodka and tonic, and then ordering another one. She became aware of him and turned her head slightly. Unable to resist the urge for some mischief, he leaned towards her ear.

"Munchkins giving you some trouble?" He asked seriously. His facial expression suggested he understood completely.

"What?" she demanded, her voice slightly slurred.

Jane glanced back towards his colleagues as he spoke and noticed Lisbon glaring in his direction. He stood upright again.

"Never mind," he said quickly, shaking a glass at the bartender who acknowledged with a nod. Jane sipped his own champagne and turned his body slightly, one arm leaning on the bar. He smiled and waved at Lisbon, miming that he was just waiting for her drink to be refilled. He saw her roll her eyes and turn away, back to the group. He sighed a smile. It was going to be a fun night.

_CBI CBI CBI CBI_

**LADIES' RESTROOM **

Jennifer Thompson was reapplying her ruby-coloured lipstick; the finishing touches to her Marilyn costume. She pouted provocatively in the mirror and mouthed Monroe's trademark _"Poo-poopy-doo!"_ She winked and blew a kiss at her own reflection. As she turned to leave, Van Pelt was just coming out of a cubicle.

"Great costume," complimented the agent. Jennifer smiled.

"Thanks. You too," she responded, returning the compliment.

Van Pelt responded in kind and watched as the movie star's white dress swished through the door and out into the ballroom. Quickly, she checked her hair was still in place, washed her hands and left to rejoin the others."

As she stepped towards them, she found her way barred by Darth Vader. In his distinctive heavy breathy voice he said, "Leia…. we meet again."

Grace exhaled a short laugh and muttered a 'yes' in reply before trying to make her way past. He wasn't for moving though, and tried to continue his conversation with her. She looked past him, trying desperately to grab Rigsby's eye.

Instead it was Jane who spotted her troublesome captor. He leaned towards Rigsby's ear and, with a mischievous glint in his eye, whispered, "Don't look now, but I think Darth Vader is about to show Princess Leia his lightsaver!" His look directed Rigsby's gaze. Wayne excused himself and went to Van Pelt's rescue. They returned moments later.

The group had been joined by Virgil Minnelli, who was looking very smart in a black tuxedo with a red rose in the front pocket that usually contained a handkerchief. His hair was slicked back, there was a faint moustache above his lip, and in his hand he carried what looked like a stuffed toy cat – a gray tabby.

Van Pelt's brow creased as she desperately tried to figure out who he was supposed to be. Jane, who was standing next to her, leaned sideways to whisper into her ear, "Don Corleone…The Godfather…" He nodded his head slightly. "…figures…" he added. Van Pelt's face softened with recognition. Jane was continuing to say something in her ear but she noticed Lisbon watching with a quizzical look on her face. Immediately, Grace felt guilty. Reflexively, she dug her elbow into Jane's side. The word 'ow!' was just about to come out of his mouth when he saw Lisbon glaring at him again.

"Sorry, _Jane_? Did you have something to say?" Lisbon, who was bored of Minnelli's little speech about how important and influential some of the people in the room were, dared the 'consultant' with her look. Minnelli turned to him expectantly.

"Jane?" he asked, waiting for his comment.

"Uhhhh…." Jane, who hadn't been listening to Minnelli, was thinking quickly. He tore his eyes away from Lisbon's, to their superior's hand. "I was just saying to Grace that the ….uhh…cat….was a nice touch…everyone can see that you are The Godfather himself….ol' Don Corleone." He rocked on his toes, flashed his smiling eyes and grinned confidently. When all else failed it was always best to go with flattery, he'd found. He returned his gaze to his challenger – a look which told her '_nice try, better luck next time_'.

An irritated flash crossed Lisbon's face so quickly it was barely perceptible. She managed a fake smile just in time as Minnelli turned to her, beaming proudly. "You know…I knew there was a reason I kept him around. He's a man of perception and taste."

"Thank you, Virgil." Jane smiled widely. Minnelli leaned conspiratorially into Lisbon's ear and whispered, 'Just don't let him near anybody important'. Lisbon smirked as her eyes drifted sideways. Minnelli looked again at Jane, who was still beaming victoriously, narrowed his eyes suspiciously and then made his excuses and walked off to greet some potential benefactors.

Lisbon moved to Jane's side. He grinned at her again. She gave him a full version of the irritated look but it was quickly replaced with slight confusion. "Don Corleone? Really?...I thought he was the bad guy out of James Bond….the one with the cat."…" She nodded towards Minnelli, who was now schnoozling with some fat cats from various Trusts.

Jane's tone was slightly patronising. "Lisbon, Lisbon. You need to get to the movies more often. A little bit of escapism'll do you good…as well as expanding your library of cultural references."

She was just about to hit him when they heard a piercing scream from out in the foyer. They rushed over, pushing their way through the gathering throng of people. As they reached the doorway, one of the female staffers was sobbing, holding her hand over her mouth and pointing in the direction of the cloakroom across the hallway.

Lisbon went into the room, Jane followed her.

"_He-_llo!" he announced, as he looked at the body of Marilyn Monroe lying prone on the floor in front of him. She was half covered in coats that had been knocked from their hangers. Her neck was twisted at a funny angle and the contents of her purse were scattered on the floor around her. Lisbon closed her eyes briefly and sighed deeply, causing her shoulders to droop. This was going to be a long night.

_CBI CBI CBI CBI_

Minnelli walked over to the team as they stood looking over the crime scene.

"I need this one closing quickly, Lisbon. There are a lot of influential people here tonight watching our every move. The CBI is on show here. Do you understand?" His tone was authoritative.

Teresa tried not to let him see her eyes roll at his relentless reminder. "I understand, sir…" she began, "…and I also understand that _one of them[?]_ is also likely to be our killer…." Minnelli's eyes bore into his best agent. She sighed heavily and nodded, dropping her eyes slightly, "We'll do our best, as always." She gave him a look that said she had work to do and would like to get started. He nodded curtly and walked back out of the room, leaving them to it.

Lisbon turned to her team, "Cho, Rigsby, get everyone into the ballroom – get uniforms to guard the doors; nobody in or out. Then start taking statements. You can set up in the room next door…" She looked at the Manager of the building who was standing in the doorway. He nodded his compliance and ushered two of his staff off to set up desks. Lisbon returned her gaze to her two male agents and continued, "You need to talk to everyone in the building. Start with staff and then move on to guests; focus particularly on anyone who knew the victim." She looked to one side as if listening to a silent voice. "And be discreet," she added, gesturing with her eyes that Minnelli (and important, influential people) were watching.

"Okay, boss." The two agents responded in unison and then made their way into the foyer.

"Van Pelt. Find a computer. See what you can dig up about the victim."

Grace stood, unmoving, looking at the body.

"You okay, Grace?" asked Jane. He was watching the young agent closely.

Van Pelt looked up at him. "What?...Oh yeah….it's just…" Her eyes drifted back to the body. "…I was just _talking_ to her…"

This caught Lisbon's attention. "You were talking to her? When?"

Grace thought. Her eyes drifted upwards. "About 30 minutes ago…she was in the bathroom."

"Well, what did she say?" asked Teresa.

Grace shrugged. "Nothing, really. Just small talk about costumes." She looked back down at the dead woman. "It's so sad…she seemed really nice."

Lisbon exhaled. "Find a computer. There should be one in the Manager's office. Here's her ID." She handed over the driver's license that she'd picked up from the woman's belongings."

Grace took the ID. She looked once more at the body and then left the room.

Lisbon looked at Jane, who, having removed his eye-mask and hat, was standing watching Princess Leia make her way past Sherlock Holmes and Count Dracula. He shook his head; there was a bemused smile upon his face.

"What?" she asked.

The consultant's eyebrows rose briefly as he looked to one side and shrugged, "Oh, nothing".

Lisbon just looked at him, the crease above her nose deepened slightly. Jane shrugged again as he looked about the room. He then looked down at the woman on the floor and his eyes scanned the scattered contents of her purse; a lipstick – fire truck red; several twenty dollar bills clipped together, a cellphone, some Rolaids, a slip of note paper with what looked like a serial number written on it: HM1000004PM; a small bottle of prescription drugs and a set of car keys. He sighed, "Well, I guess it comes down to that age old question…"

Lisbon, who was crouched over the body, looked up at him, "Which is?"

With a twinkle in his eye and a sight smirk on his face, Jane stated, "Who killed Marilyn Monroe?"

_CBI CBI CBI CBI_

Rigsby shifted uncomfortably in his seat. His hand was aching from writing so many witness statements. So far he hadn't come across anyone who could prove to be a potential killer, and was feeling increasingly foolish as a Space Ranger trying to carry out his duties and uphold the law. He looked over at the small queue of people at the doorway waiting to be interviewed and sighed. He hoped Cho was having more luck on the other side of the room.

Cho wasn't having any luck. In fact, he had interviewed several space aliens, a hobbit and a wizard, and Chewbacca from Star Wars. None of them saw or heard anything unusual. He was losing the will to live when his next interviewee sidled into the chair in front of him. The first thing he saw was the red stiletto heel attached to a perfect looking foot at the end of an extremely long and shapely leg. Although his face didn't register it, his interest had been piqued, though not necessarily in a professional capacity. His eyes wandered upwards to see an hourglass figure wearing a body hugging sequinned dress, which was strapless and barely holding anything in. Cho's eyebrow twitched slightly and he emitted a low growl, inaudible to anyone except himself. Trying to remain professional, he tapped his pencil and kept his eyes on the notepad the Manager had provided.

"Name?" he asked.

There was a breathy response from a rich, husky voice, "Jessica."

Without looking up, Cho asked, "Jessica what?"

"Rabbit," came the reply. This caused Cho to look up, and sure enough his gaze met with that of the cartoon character. The woman had taken her role just a little too seriously. Cho wondered what kind of surgeon could actually do that to any human being; just how much she had paid to have her face altered so much; and why anyone would want to do that to them-self. He sighed heavily and started taking down her details, hoping fervently that Rigsby was having more luck with his interviewees.

_CBICBICBICBICBI_

Van Pelt had been granted access to the Manager's computer in his office. It was a grand looking room, fitting for the building. The back wall consisted of dark wooden panelling; the other walls were decorated with very expensive looking wallpaper with a swirling regal pattern embossed onto it in, what looked like, gold-leaf. The furniture matched the décor. There was an elegant gilded sofa, the arms of which were intricately carved floral mouldings. Just in front of this was an elaborate-looking coffee table adorned with several business magazines and a large statue.

Grace sat at a rich mahogany desk which seemed huge to her and a bit out of proportion to the office in which it resided; it looked like a reproduction of the Resolute desk. She smiled to herself, briefly experiencing the sense of power that the owner of such a desk must feel. It was short-lived, however, as Lisbon stepped into the office and demanded an update. Van Pelt felt like the kid caught with their hand in the cookie jar. She began once more to tap at the keyboard. Several boxes came up on the screen; one of which showed the victim's driver's license.

"I accessed the DMV database. Their records show that she had two DUI convictions for driving with drugs in her system. She lived at the address on her license; the phone company gave me the number and said it was registered to a Jed Douglas. I tried ringing it. The housekeeper answered. She said that Douglas and Thompson were out at a fundraiser and weren't expected back until late. Apparently the victim and Douglas were engaged." She paused as she saw the crease on Lisbon's brow.

The brunette looked quizzical. "Wait, are you saying that Thompson's fiancé is here tonight?"

Van Pelt nodded, "That's what the housekeeper said."

Lisbon pulled out her cell phone and hit speed dial. "Rigsby. The victim's fiancé is amongst the guests; Jed Douglas. You need to find him and question him." She hung up.

Jane wandered in to the room. "Strange, don't you think?"

Lisbon's eyes questioned him.

"Well, with all the commotion going on, surely her fiancé would have noticed she was missing. I mean, you'd expect him to be frantic with worry, not knowing where she was, _unless_…" His words trailed off but Lisbon picked them up.

"Unless he already knows where she is." Lisbon began to hope this was going to be easy after all.

Jane gave her a '_could be'_ look as he picked up the heavy-looking statue from the coffee table. It was actually made of resin and lifted more easily than he expected, causing him to almost throw it across the room. He put it back down quickly at Lisbon's glare.

"C'mon," she said.

"Where we going?" asked Jane.

"I want to talk to Douglas. Maybe we can finish this up quickly and all get home before midnight."

"Why, what happens at midnight?" Jane leaned stepped forward on one foot playfully and winked at Van Pelt before looking back at Lisbon. "Do you turn into a pumpkin?" He was enjoying himself. Grace smirked with her head downwards and pretended to look at the computer screen. Her eyes kept glancing back up to see the response.

"Oh, ha ha, very funny. No more champagne for you," growled Lisbon. Jane gave her a look which suggested she was a spoilsport.

"I mean it…" said the brunette. An unspoken '_Or else'_ hung in the air. Jane feigned a look of fear, his eyes were wide and he held his hands up loosely. He mouthed an "Ooooh" as he followed her towards the door almost running into the back of her as she stopped suddenly. He held his hands up again, this time partly as an apology and partly as defence, as there was a real danger Lisbon might actually hit him this time, judging by the look of annoyance on her face. Instead, the small brunette barked further orders to Grace. "Keep digging on Thompson. Find out if there have been any domestic issues between her and Douglas. And run a full background check on him."

Van Pelt exhaled and rolled her eyes at the computer screen, "Yes, Ma'am".

_CBICBICBICBICBI_

Rigsby and Cho were standing in the doorway talking to a uniformed officer when Lisbon pounded through the foyer towards them.

"Well?" she asked, expecting them to tell her that Douglas had confessed and that they could all go home now.

"Er…slight problem, boss," said Rigsby, looking ever so slightly like the child who didn't want to confess to doing something wrong.

Lisbon pouted and glared at him, waiting.

Rigsby glanced at Cho before continuing. "We can't find Jed Douglas. He's not in the ballroom. We've got uniforms checking the building now."

Cho pointed over to a small group of men consisting of Sherlock Holmes, Columbo, and Kojak. "Those three are acquaintances of him."

Lisbon nodded, "Okay. Get their IDs up to Van Pelt. Tell her to find out what she can about each of them."

"I'm on it." Rigsby pulled out his cell phone.

Cho continued, "We asked but none of them claim to know where Douglas is."

Jane looked at the group. "Mmmmm. Really."

"Yeah, really," repeated Cho monotonously.

Jane nodded and then moved swiftly over to the trio of men. Lisbon's eyes rolled before she followed him, and her two agents followed her.

"So…" began Jane, "You know Jed Douglas how?" He pointed at Sherlock Holmes.

Confidently, Holmes replied, "From work. We're both Financial Consultants with Bay Tree Prime Trust."

Jane nodded. He looked at Columbo. "And you?"

The dishevelled looking detective glanced at the other two before answering. "Er…I work with…" He corrected himself, "..._worked_ with Jennifer at the Trust."

Jane stroked his chin thoughtfully, "Oh, so you knew the victim well?"

The man's nose twitched on one side, almost like a snarl, as he replied curtly, "Not especially. I'm in charge of all the Trust's administration. Have been for the last five years. _She_ comes along and after a few months becomes the _glamorous_ PA to the Finance Consultants." His lips clamped together causing them to blanch.

Jane's eyes narrowed slightly for a millisecond, and then he turned to Kojak. He didn't need to ask the question.

The taller man's eyes were almost bouncing around in their sockets. He looked at the others, then briefly at his right hand, which he moved slightly backwards behind his leg, and then towards the restrooms in the ballroom and then he looked at Jane who was watching him closely.

"Er… I don't really know Jed. I'm…was a friend of Jennifer". He looked to the ground.

"Ahh," replied Jane. "Can I ask? Is that latex? You're not really bald, are you?"

Lisbon stared in disbelief at the consultant's seemingly random shift in focus.

Kojak was equally surprised. His eyes drifted to the left as he responded with, "Uh, yes, I mean, no I'm not bald; yes, it is latex." His brow creased in confusion.

Jane had an appreciative look on his face. "Well, it's very effective. Tell me do any of you know where Jed Douglas is?" He looked at each one in turn, scouring their responses.

"No," came the collective response.

Jane looked back at Kojak, smiled and pointed a finger at him. "You do," he stated quickly. The man tried to protest. Jane turned to Rigsby. "Have one of the officers look in the restroom at the back of the ballroom." Rigsby looked at Kojak and Lisbon gave a slight nod of her head. The tall agent headed towards the nearest uniform. There was an affirmative shout from the back of the ballroom as the officer helped a bruised and battered Jed Douglas from the rest room and onto a chair.

Kojak looked at Jane, "How did y - ?" he began to ask.

"It's in your eyes. You looked in that direction. You've obviously had some sort of altercation with him, judging by the scuffed knuckles you're trying to hide, and…. you knew the man's fiancée…" Jane paused as a look of understanding began to appear on Lisbon's face. "A little too well, probably, I'm guessing," he added.

Lisbon moved to Kojak's side. "How _did_ you know the victim, _Mr_…?"

"Jenkins, Ray Jenkins," stated the man. He looked a little deflated and sad. "Jennifer and I used to be together."

"_Used_ to be?" asked Lisbon.

"Yeah, a couple of years ago we hooked up at a convention we were both attending. It was good…for a while…"

With her eyes, Lisbon urged him to continue.

"We moved in together and things were going great, but then she said that she felt like I was holding her back, smothering her. I didn't know what she meant. I sent her flowers, bought her chocolates, gave her gifts, met her from work each day. I'd even ring her on her phone several times a day just to tell her that I loved her…" Jenkins shrugged, obviously believing that he was the nicest guy in the world for being so attentive. Lisbon's eyes connected with Jane's. They conveyed understanding of the victim's complaint. This guy was seriously too full on.

Jenkins continued, "Anyway, about six months ago, she tells me that she's found someone else…a guy from work…says that they're going to get married and she packs up and leaves, just like that."

Jane rolled his eyes and quietly uttered, "Who loves ya baby?"

Rigsby was the only one who heard him and, under his breath muttered, "Obviously not Jennifer."

"So what did you do?" asked Cho.

"I begged her to come back. Waited for her outside work to try and convince her that it could work between us if she'd just give it another try."

"So you stalked her," stated Cho.

"I wouldn't say that," objected Jenkins.

"So, how come you're here tonight, at this fundraiser?"

Jenkins looked at the floor. "I found out that she would be here and figured I'd give it one last try."

"She turned you down, so you killed her," said Cho matter-of-factly.

"No!" Jenkins almost yelled. He strenuously denied having anything to do with Jennifer's death.

"I believe you," interjected Jane. "You loved her, why would you kill her?"

Lisbon looked at him with disbelief that he couldn't see the obvious motive the guy had. "Er hello…she rejected him."

"Mehhh!" stated Jane and quickly turned to Columbo. "You didn't like Thompson. Why was that?"

"Uh…I never said that!" objected the detective.

"Sure you did. You gave a slight snarl when I asked you if you knew her well. Add that to the disdain you displayed when talking about her role at the Trust and it's obvious you hated the fact that she had a better job than you. Why was that by the way?"

"Why was what?"

"Why did she have the better job? You said yourself that you had been in charge of all the administrative work for the last five years. How is it that someone _without_ your experience could be promoted _above_ you after such a relatively short period of time?" Jane waited for the confirmation of what he'd already surmised.

Columbo, who had identified himself as James Furbanks, exhaled sharply. He looked at Jenkins then back at Jane. "Let's just say that if this was Hollywood, she made it to the casting couch. At least that's what Harry said." He looked at Sherlock.

"Ahhh, slept with the boss." Jane nodded and looked at the third man in the group, who up until that point had been keeping quiet.

"It wasn't me, if that's what you're thinking!" objected the man dressed as the greatest detective of them all. "I didn't sleep with her."

"You're one of the Financial Consultants," stated Lisbon.

"Yes, Harry Masters. But I'm not the only one. You're looking in the wrong direction Agent. You should be focusing on the one person you haven't spoken to yet." He looked over at Jed Douglas. "He knows who she slept with. That's why they were arguing earlier. That's why she was in the cloakroom getting her coat; she was about to leave. That's why Jenkins here had a fight with him – he saw them arguing and stepped in to defend her. Jed stormed off and he…" he gestured towards Jenkins, "…followed him to the rest rooms."

"Aha!" exclaimed Jane suddenly. "That leaves you alone with the victim."

"And just what are you insinuating?" asked Masters, indignantly.

"I'm just saying…" began Jane. Lisbon's cell phone rang. It was Van Pelt. Jane continued as Teresa listened to the young agent's feedback, "You were probably the last person to see the victim alive..." He looked closely at Master's face as he added, "..other than the killer, that is." He paused. Maintaining intense eye contact, Jane asked, "What was it? What did she have on you?"

Harry looked directly into Jane's eyes and held them. "I have no idea what you are talking about Agent."

"Not Agent, I'm a Consultant.." Jane physically gestured the inverted commas around 'consultant'. "…like you…Financial consultant." Again he gestured the inverted commas around the word 'consultant'. He smiled and vocalised a thought. "You were milking the old accounts there - Skimming a little off the top. That's it, isn't it? Thompson found out. She didn't sleep with anyone to get that job. She was blackmailing you. It was you that started the rumour about the casting couch to try and deflect attention away from yourself."

"That's nonsense! Complete and utter nonsense. It's not true, not at all."

Lisbon got off the phone. She'd been half listening to Jane's accusations whilst Van Pelt revealed her findings.

Harry Masters was indignant. "Agent Lisbon, your Consultant here appears to have lost the plot. He's making wild accusations, none of which are true. I think he's gone mad."

Lisbon smiled a tight-lipped smile. "I often share your feelings Mr Masters, but not this time." Jane feigned a lightly hurt expression at her comment. She repeated what Van Pelt had just told her. "We took a look at your record. You've been indicted twice for embezzlement."

"I was never charged!" interrupted Masters.

"No, no charges were ever brought. But we decided to dig a little deeper. We checked your bank accounts…"

Masters smiled smugly.

Lisbon continued, "All of them. Even the one on Nassau." Masters' smug look began to dissipate and he blanched. Jane smiled and nodded, happily accepting confirmation that he was right on the money, so-to-speak.

Rigsby stepped forward and grabbed Masters' wrist, expertly turning him as he cuffed him and read him his rights. Jane watched as the culprit was led away. Lisbon sidled over to him.

"How did you know he was embezzling funds?" she asked, curious to know how he had managed to work it out without Van Pelt's findings.

Jane breathed deeply. "Elementary, my dear Lisbon." She gave him a look. "There was a note amongst Thompson's belongings which read HM1000004PM. At first I thought it was some kind of serial number but it wasn't. It was only when he identified himself that I figured it out. HM – Harry Masters, 100000 – the amount of money she wanted to keep quiet, 4PM – a time. I already checked her cell phone. She received a call from a Harry Masters at 4pm this afternoon. My guess is that was the deadline for the money transfer and when it didn't happen she planned to confront him about it. She couldn't bring it up in conversation tonight, _obviously_, and then she got into the argument with Douglas and decided to leave.

Meanwhile, Masters caused the argument between her and Douglas by telling Douglas that she'd slept with the boss, knowing full well that Thompson would need to collect her coat from the cloakroom. He waited for her there, there was a confrontation and he killed her."

Lisbon pondered what he'd said. A frown appeared on her face. "Wait…you checked her cell phone? Before forensics had checked it?"

Jane shrugged nonchalantly. "Meh… Forensics! Science is over-rated if you ask me. The point is, I was right to check that phone." Lisbon rolled her eyes – would he never learn?

Still, even though she never verbalised it, Lisbon's face suggested that Jane had _'done good'_. He noticed the look and his own face said '_awhh, it was nothing?_'

Lisbon stifled a yawn and looked at her watch; it was nearly two thirty in the morning. "C'mon, let's go. We've got reports to write."

Jane feigned a childish moan and hung his head to one side. He sighed deeply and then stepped to one side, extended his arm and allowed Lisbon to leave the room ahead of him.

_CBICBICBICBICBICBI_

**CBI HQ Sacramento, CA – early hours**

Lisbon cracked her neck from side to side as she finished typing up the final report of the events at the fundraiser. She looked over at her couch to see Jane reclining in his usual position of eyes closed and hands loosely clasped across his stomach. His left leg was bent at the knee and was gently resting against the back of the couch. He'd been that way for the best part of the last hour. She smiled slightly at the fact that he'd placed his mask back over his eyes in a misguided attempt to block out the overhead lights. He looked like an exhausted but happy child who had come home from a dress-up party. She wondered what he was dreaming of. Her thoughts were interrupted by Minnelli who opened her office door and poked his head through. She almost told him to shush, but thought better of it. He was the boss after all.

"Just finished my report. It'll be on your desk first thing," she said.

Minnelli smiled in a fatherly way. He admired her commitment to her worked and her professionalism. In fact, he was incredibly proud of his team tonight.

He nodded in acknowledgement and turned to leave. He stopped and looked at Lisbon. "Just wanted to say…top notch job tonight, Lisbon. You did good." He looked over at Jane, then back at Teresa, "All of you, even Jane."

Lisbon was about to respond when she was interrupted by a weary, but cheerful voice from the couch, "Thanks, Virgil," muttered Jane. He then breathed deeply and shifted slightly but didn't open his eyes. Minnelli seemed slightly put out that Jane had heard his compliment, but turned and smiled warmly at Lisbon. It was reciprocated.

"Goodnight, boss," she stated.

"Goodnight, Teresa," he replied and closed the door quietly.

Lisbon switched off her desk lamp and, as quietly as she could, gathered her cloak from the back of her chair. Almost immediately, Jane began to stretch his arms out, and sat up.

"Need a ride?" asked Lisbon.

"Nah, think I'll stay here…may as well, got to be back in a couple of hours anyway." He yawned.

"Don't remind me," said Lisbon with a sigh.

"I'll walk you out," said Jane. "Got to get up to go to my couch anyway." He smiled. She smiled back at him.

As they headed towards the bullpen she suddenly remembered something he'd said earlier that she was going to challenge him about.

"Oh, one more thing…" she started.

Jane looked at her expectantly.

"A harsh voice and a piercing glare? Really?" she repeated his words from earlier that evening.

Jane looked at her. "Well, if it's any consolation, Dio once also claimed that Boudicca was 'possessed of greater intelligence than often belongs to women'." He smiled.

Lisbon digested the words and smiled, accepting the compliment.

Jane gestured towards the elevator as he held open the exit doors. "So Kemo-Sahbee, sleep tight. See you in a couple of hours."

Lisbon pressed the button for the elevator. "And who was Dio again?" she asked.

"Son of a Roman Senator – He was very important," Jane explained.

"Really?" Lisbon was impressed.

"Yeah…" Jane nodded, then an expression of trying to remember something appeared on his face, "…and if memory serves, I think he was declared mentally incompetent and thrown to the lions."

Lisbon shot him a look just as there was a ping and the elevator doors opened. She stepped inside and under her breath muttered, "He won't be the only one."

THE END

Hope you like. A bit of light relief. PLEASE REVIEW after reading.


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